Thursday, 7 February 2013

Les mots pour le dire (aka, le parole per dirlo, aka the words to say it)

Talk to the booty 'coz the hand's off duty and the face don't wanna hear ya!

Answering machine:
Hello, you have reached the face. I don't wanna hear ya right now. Please relay your message to the hand. Should the hand be off duty, the booty will get back to you as soon as possible. Goodbye.

At Bank Of Daylight Robbery we are always looking for ways to Create Value for our Clients and Stakeholders. We are full of exciting Ideas for further uptake of our Listening-in Mode. However, recent restructurings in our Teams have lead to the Face being unavailable to hear you. So, going forward, please refer all matters to the Hand. Should the Hand also be unavailable, please escalate to the Booty. And remember: we really care.
Passive aggressive work email:

From: The Boss
To: The Gullible Employee

Dear Booty,

When Hand went off duty/ on maternity leave/ checked himself into rehab he/she handed over his/her tasks to Face.

However, it has become very clear from Face's attitude both at our team meeting and during the visio-conference that she just does not want to listen.

But there is an upside: I'd like to offer you what I think is a great opportunity to step up, stand out and make yourself indispensible.

Do you want to be our team hero and take up the challenge of helping us deliver our stretch goals at this difficult time? Do you, Booty, do you?

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